So the ending has arrived or you are thinking of making the ending and you feel that you have to because there is no future between you two, or because they have not treated you right, because you are exhausted from all the arguments or because of another reason. So you have used your discernment, you have projected the relationship in the future, and you have reached the cognitive decision to end the relationship or they have made that decision and you are on the receiving end. It is tough either way because you still love them, and your heart does not seem to understand your reasons, and it feels pain, sharp or heavy pain in the heart and chest area. Because of this pain many people do not start new relationships easily and choose to stay lonely for a very long time. This pain becomes the synonym of love to them, and they think ‘Love hurts, I don’t need love any more’.
This pain is not from feeling love for someone, it is pain from restricting our heart to feel love for someone, because we have assessed them cognitively that they do not deserve our love, that they do not treat us right, that we you are not compatible, that you are too different etc etc. And that is great to be able to see the reality of a relationship with sober eyes and to be strong enough to stand up for ourselves and to stand up for our future and long-term wellbeing, and not to trade them for the passion of today. That is awesome work. Where most people go wrong from there, is, once they have made the assessment that the other person is not worth of their love because of the way they have treated them and once they have made the decision to end the relationship, they then start trying to stop feeling love for them. And they start using the facts from the 3-dimensional reality to justify why they will stop feeling love for them. “I can’t love someone who does that to me, I can’t love him/her if I am ending the relationship, that will be too painful”. So in their cognitive attempt to protect themselves from the pain they actually create the pain. Because everything that we resist persists. This is a law of human existence. It is not given to us to control our feelings and to adjust them as per our cognitive observations, insights and decisions.
So the solution of your problem with still loving them despite…. is very simple. You allow yourself to love them. You don’t try to stop loving them. You don’t go cognitive trying to justify why you should not love them. You have done your cognitive work that has brought the ending of the relationship and that has been great, self-affirming and long-term wise and astute assessment. But after you have done it, leave the cognitive work to one side and listen to your feelings and acknowledge your feelings. And give voice to your feelings instead of shutting them down. If you still love them – you allow yourself to continue loving them.
Feeling love for someone is not a 3-dimensional physical behaviour. You don’t have to do anything to express your love. You just feel the love. Allow your heart to love them. Many people complain from being hurt from the endings and from Love in general, many people leave relationships bruised and make themselves lonely after that because they felt too much pain in their last relationship and they do not want to do Love any more. Love is too painful for them. And that is not the solution. That is a sad interpretation of Love. Love does not bring any pain to the carrier. Constriction of the heart, telling ourselves not to feel love for someone because they are not worth it, that is what gives pain to the heart. When we assess that someone is not good for us and we tell ourselves not to love them and we feel the pain so strong, so strong. This pain is not from the love for them. This pain is from the constriction. I did not know that until I allowed myself to love them. I felt very strong pain in my heart and chest area because of unrequited love and I was so scared. That pain was not going away. Day after day, week after week, the pain was strong. And I hated Love. I asked Love: “why did you come in my life, to hurt me so much, what good are you?” Until one day I decided to try one more thing. After doing everything else and nothing had worked, I decided to let my heart love him. Just allowed my heart to love him. We had stopped being in touch, there was no more expression of my love towards him but I allowed myself to love him. And all the pain disappeared. My heart was glad. And that is how I learned: allowing the heart to love is its own reward. It does not want any more rewards. It just wants to love. It is happiest when it loves. And that is how I learned where the pain came from. From constricting the heart and from confusing our profound sacred feeling of Love with behavioural expressions, and expecting that once the behavioural expressions stop, the feeling has to stop as well, and that is – it gets even sillier- because we want to protect ourselves from being hurt. This is the logic of our mind which speaks the language of logic. It does not understand the language of the heart so it is just doing its best in its capacity, to protect us. And we need to love the mind because the mind is innocent and it is constantly doing its best in its capacity to protect us. I do not support any negativity towards the mind. Where most people go wrong is that they listen only to the mind and they don’t listen to the heart. The heart does not have logic. I know I am not the only one, and men are always so puzzled with women, when we choose very wrong guys to be on the receiving end of our love. No one understands this because everyone is engaging their mind and its logical reasoning capacity, to understand something which does not have any logic. The heart does not have logic. The heart does not understand discernment either. The heart just wants to love. The heart wants to love everybody. If you listen to your heart and you allow your heart to love – you will see that your heart enjoys loving everyone, all the people in the world, all the animals in the world, all the plants in the world, all the planets around us, all the satellites of the planets around us, all the stars, all the galaxies. This is how the heart loves – all inclusively and indiscriminately. So if you want to heal emotional-physical pain of the heart – you need to understand where the pain comes from, and you need to slow down and start listening to the heart and start communicating with the heart. Ask your heart at any point in time what it feels like doing, what it feels most comfortable with. Ask, listen and act. Act according to the wishes and desires and calls of the heart. Trust the heart that it has wisdom which will not hurt you. Trust the heart that it knows best what is good for you. If you had trusted the heart and had made your choices according to your heart – you would not have ended up in a situation where the emotions are loud and the heart is in pain. The heart would have been very happy if you had trusted it before, if you had listened to it before and it would have rewarded you with creating the best reality for you, the most suitable people, the easiest and most pleasant circumstances. The heart does not believe in tough circumstances that teach you to grow. No. We create the tough circumstances for us when we don’t listen to our heart and then we grow tremendously from them, and we think they are necessary for our growth. The reason why that has worked to our favour is because all roads lead to enlightenment. But, there are easier roads than others. Exactly because all roads lead to enlightenment, we don’t need to choose the toughest possible reality for us. The easier roads will also lead us to enlightenment in much smoother and comfortable ways. The easiest road is the road of the Heart. Ask, listen and act according to the heart and you will enter the easiest of circumstances and the easiest of people to deal with, whether that is in relationships or at work, on holidays, on the roads, on the trains, on the planes. When you listen to your heart and have the bravery to act according to the heart, you enter a natural state of alignment between you and the surrounding environment and from there on the sky is the limit. People, events, circumstances run to you to help you and to support you and even in the most neutral level – you are become surrounded only by pleasant and compatible people with who you have pleasant and mutually supportive relationships. The difference is so great that it is impossible to ignore. When you listen and act to the wishes of your heart – the shifts of reality happen very fast.