There is no point getting your hands dirty and analysing the situation, why did it go wrong. Most people, including me, have this compulsion to dig our teeth into the WHY? when a break-up happens. There is no analysis in the world that will help because the more we analyse the why and the how, the tougher we get on ourselves, we feel worse and worse and worse with each onion layer of analysis. So how is that helping us?
So here is the trick. One sentence only. One sentence which delivers instant release from all the tension of not knowing the why and the how, from all the anger, frustration, confusion in relation to the break-up.
You say to yourself with the most loving, gentle, and light voice you can do: “I’ll get through this in the easiest possible way” and then breathe out with your voice. And then repeat: “I’ll get trough this in the easiest possible way” and then breathe out with your voice. You can make the release of air louder to be more symbolic of the emotional release you are experiencing. Repeat as many times as you wish. How does it feel now? This creates spaciousness and distance from all the questions you have. You are no longer digging and getting your hands dirty with pulling dirty stuff out to analyse it. You are distancing yourself from the question with this so so easy expression. The questions remain questions but they no longer matter. This new spaciousness that is created feels soothing and comforting, which is what we need in hard times. The questions doesn’t matter any more and guess what? As the questions doesn’t matter any more, so does the break-up. The analysing of the questions keep us in the importance of the break-up. No questions, no importance. The importance shifts from finding the right answer of the WHY? and the HOW? to finding comfort and ease. That is the only important thing after a break-up – to feel ok, to feel accepting, to feel light and mobile, to feel loved and cared for by someone and if that someone cannot be our partner, then it has to be you. But someone has to love you and care for you in the most difficult of times. So let that person be You. Allow yourself to love you and care for you and not give you hard unrewarding tasks.
“I’ll get through this in the easiest possible way” exhale. Watch the miracles unfold after that.